CarlaGEE.me

LilGEE still pronounces the number 3 with an f counting “one, two, free”. He also requests pop tarts for “bref-kas” and checks a book out from the “li-bary”. And as his mother, I’m okay with the mispronunciations. I prefer to hold onto my baby relishing every word of our conversations rather than inserting the appropriate corrections.

I hate that Kindergarten requires him to learn “THree” sadly relegating “free” to a reference of something unrestrained or unimpeded. He’ll begin to insert the missing “r” (LIBRARY) and my baby will become a boy much older than I think. At some point, he sprouted into this 6 year old frame while I wasn’t looking. And now all I can think is that the remaining days we share a roof with him and his “brudder” are fewer. College and their lives outside our home await just over the horizon. Oh, how I wish I had written down all the miscues, all the sweet phrases and the amazing questions from both of them.

At each step along this motherhood journey, I have experienced moments of sheer JOY that I believed I would never forget: shared giggles, surprise visits, special treats, cuddles, vacations, birthdays, first steps, words, questions, award ceremonies. I’m sad to admit that I have forgotten many of them. But I have not forgotten the way I felt in those moments. I admire those scrap-booking moms with pictures and documentation of every milestone or occasion. While on the one hand, I admire them on the other hand, the thought of such effort exhausts me. I feel lost behind a camera and opt instead to share the moment – whatever the occasion – with LilGEE or BigGEE. I try to memorize every piece of their giant grins at a nose-to-nose distance. I prefer to pore over conversations, riddles and puzzles with my guys rather than huddle over a project to document the time that keeps passing us by. So if we do not have photos of each and every adventure, I hope we have at least created memorable feelings of this time in their lives that can be easily recalled as adults.

My own personal memories are easily triggered to mind both kinesthetically and sensorially. I smell Mom’s breadsticks, pool chlorine, stage sawdust or make-up, Nana’s perfume, sunscreen lotions and am transported in a flash. I take a swim, pepper some volleyball or go for a jog and I’m then and there not here and now. I hear special songs from church children/youth choirs, Journey, Depeche Mode, George Strait or Broadway shows and my heart bursts open with a flood of feelings. I linger over each feeling, each memory one by one remembering when, where and who and for me, that’s been enough.

I trust my kiddos will have that too. For now we make efforts to laugh loud and long, to ponder and explore an issue to its end, to play hard and fast and to cuddle, giggle and find comfort in just being together. May the sounds, sights, and smells of these moments be forever written into the hearts and minds of my babies.

I used to be a Marlin for the Brownsville Swim Club. Every day all summer for 8 years I’d meet my second family at evening practice or a weekend swim meet. Most of those years were coached under the leadership of Mr. Jim Burns. My limited memory of Coach Burns is of a kind, smiling, tan man in a hat and t-shirt walking up and down the pool deck calling out instructions, times and all around encouragement.

My brother was a swimmer too as was my sister, my cousins and half our church family. Names of teammates fade in and out of my memory and I have no idea what became of them: Felicia Fruia, Stacy Seburn, EJ Martinez, Elsa Martinez, Quinten Cowan, Monica Rosales, Lisa Wyatt, Lisa Rabinowitz.

We were a force to be reckoned holding our own against those year round teams: Brownsville Blue Dolphins, McAllen, Harlingen and the teams from Mexico. There were many medals, qualifying races to All Star meets, Junior Olympics, some to TAGS. There was also a time when I held a Brownsville pool record for the 50 meter butterfly (ages 9 & 10).

When my family moved to Portland, I dropped out of swimming thinking I’d try my hand at gymnastics. Soon after I found my place in G-P theater but that’s another story. I didn’t get back into swimming until late in high school when I joined Natalie Smith, Kim Chiles, Anthony Rodriguez, Todd Childress and others on the school team. By then, I was adapting to the body of a teenager adding minutes to times that had been only seconds years before. I quickly gave up and let my memories of BSC float away. That is until recently.

At the beginning of the summer 2009, I decided to enroll BigGEE in his first triathlon with a two month coaching camp leading up to the race. The weekly sessions through the South Texas Runners, Riders, Swimmers (STARRS) were being coordinated and led by Dawn English, triathlete, coach, founder of Equilibrium: Triathlon Coaching for Real Life, mom, wife, Christian, cook and I’m proud to add, my friend. She’s amazing.

As I visited with Dawn about what I understood was a kids triathlon, she suggested that I register for it as well. “And what about you, Mom?”, she prompted. As it turns out, the annual STARR Trek Triathlon is considered a kids and beginner adults race or for experienced competitors, a sprint course. The kids race is a 100 meter swim, 5K bike and 2k run while the adult version is a 200 meter swim, 10k bike and 2k run. I thought that if someone like Dawn, the semi-professional athlete/coach and my friend thinks that someone like me could do it, how tough could it really be? So I agreed to give it a go.

At the time I registered the GEE team, I had been jogging three times a week for eight months so it was time to prepare for the swim. Dawn invited me to join her at a master swim class. “Sure! Why not? Gotta get started some time,” I agreed. She offered to drive and then shared that master swim practice BEGINS at 5:30 AM! Ugh!

I was pretty quiet that first morning. Dawn and her regular car-pooling pal chatted in the front seat while I tried to stay awake bleary eyed in the back wishing I had stayed in bed. When we arrived at the pool, I was stunned to find approximately 15-20 other adults that had signed on for the same punishment opportunity of working with Coach Adam Scott.  This counter culture of folks meet at the same time three days a week through Bays Edge Aquatics Team (BEAT) working toward personal goals as triathletes, coaches and swimmers just wanting to stay fit. They looked the part too dressed in speedos with a personal pair of fins in tow. I tried to fit in as best as one can with a tropical print “mommy” one piece complete with palm trees, beach and sunset held together with a string tied in back around the neck. Nice.

I hadn’t seen a 50 meter pool in 25 years and to me the CCISD Natatorium was just beautiful. The heavy smell of the chlorine and the right-out-of-the-box powdery scent of my new cap took me back to those BSC memories. I fumbled to adjust the fresh pair of goggles nervous to learn that my first time back in the water was on a distance day. We were going to warm-up and then just swim for 30 minutes. I was nervous but eager to know how far I could go or how long I’d last.

It’s not that I hadn’t been in a pool since high school but “going for a swim” with my kids translates into playing lifeguard or a personal water transport to both boys. The ‘before children’ part of my pool experience was limited to lap swimming with someone – mostly Coach Burns – on deck telling me what to swim and how. I never learned to enjoy just playing in a pool.

That 30 minute swim on my first day back in the water transported me to a time 30+ years and 4 bodies earlier. I felt home again moving up and down the pool. Thank you, Dawn.

It’s been three months now and I’m still waking up at 4:45 AM to catch a car pool three days a week to meet Coach Scott and the morning gang at master swimming. I fondly remember those BSC summer days and wonder if Coach Burns isn’t still on deck somewhere way up on high calling out adjustments, times and generally cheering us on.

P.S. As for the triathlon experience, I’m hooked and training for the STARRS Wet and Wild March 2010. And BigGEE? Well, he’s hung up his goggles and parked his bike. He looks forward volunteering.